Tuesday, September 1, 2009


The line outside the DMV, there were over 150 people standing in the sun waiting to get in the front door.

Waiting in line at the DMV is always a painful experience - thus I waited for the very last possible minute to go because I hate lines, nasty people and dumb DMV rules. Today could possibly be the worst day to stand in line at my local DMV, hundreds of people waiting in line for various reasons.

"Top Ten" reasons why the Philadelphia's DMV can suck it:

1. An older guy with crazy teeth bulging out of his jack-o-lantern head cut in front of me in the endless line outside the building. This prompted a frizzy white hair to shoot a disappointed old lady "stink eye" for allowing him to cut.

2. Crying babies and mischievous toddlers whined and cried in a symphonic melody as I waited for my number - C701!

3. The smell of tuna on the man next to me was raunchy. How do you go about smelling seriously fishy at 10 am on a Tuesday?

4. Crack is whack - especially with a 250 pound woman bent over showing her robust bootie crack in her pink pajama pants.

5. Crazy people always insist on sitting right next to me - even when there are plenty of open seats - it must be my cool vibe - but it's very annoying.

6. I don't care to hear stories from back when you "did" drugs, lost your kids to your crazy coke addicted ex-wife and NO, I really can't spare a few bucks for your Subway sandwich - the unemployment line starts behind me!

7. The dude with tuna breath stood up and exclaimed: "If God has a plan for me to pass this driving test, then I will do so!" I wondered how much God hated his DMV driving instructor to put them through a driving test with this smelly weirdo.

8. While sitting in the chair to get my picture taken for my driver's license a toddler walked up and continuously punched my leg - I smiled and thought it was funny. His mother quickly walked up and insured me that he likes "white people" and he didn't mean any harm. She abruptly pulled him away and told him how stupid he was - IRG!

9. I was informed by the DMV agent that I will be receiving a temporary license and a real license would be sent to me after they check out my record. He then said, "So if you have anything to hide, anything at all, tell me now or forever hold your piece...he he he!" Whack-job!

10. I walked out of this carnival-style DMV mad house and saw the God-loving-tuna-breath dude driving down the street in his "hooptie" ride - the driving instructor looked like he was praying to God he returned alive!

I hate the DMV and hope to not have to go back anytime soon!

1 comment:

Adolfo said...

dude, that was tooo funny. DMV sucks. In Texas, they call it DPS. It doesn't make it any better. Anyway, I loved the update, one of the funniest things I've read in a while.