MY PANTS RIPPED AT THE DOG PARK...MY ASS WAS HANGING OUT

John and I spent our Sunday going through all of our clothes and cleaning out our spare bedroom for items to donate to the Red Cross relief fund for those who lost everything in the California fires that affected parts of Los Angeles County a few weeks ago.

Giving clothes away can be difficult for me. I place memories on my clothes. Like this specific pair of jeans I found and was debating on whether I should keep them or not. They were an old pair of Calvin Klein jeans I bought at the Stratford Square Mall when I was in High School. I remember this particular shopping experience vividly because I was making a large purchase at the store with my birthday money...and when I say large purchase, I was spending more than $200 on clothes. (Back then, on a Roselle Park District employee salary of $9 per hour, that was a big purchase). I found a bunch of clothes on sale at Carson Pirie Scott and took them to the cash register. The sales clerk had stringy bleach blond hair, crooked teeth, an ill fitting outfit and real bad glasses - kind of bad mom librarian look. The reason I remember this purchase is because she gave me a real hard time on the brand of jeans I purchased. She said, "Why do you need Calvin Klein when you can get those over there for half the price?" She basically had an issue for me spending $75 on jeans. (If she only knew how much I spend on jeans now).

I told her I liked the look and style of these better and don't mind spending more to be in style. She again tried to convince me, like she was my mother, to buy two pairs of the other jeans instead of the more expensive pair. I then interrupted her and her lame story and told her she needed to do her job and ring me up and stop offering up unsolicited advice because I was sick of hearing her jibber-jabber! I remember being rude, but if I let her continue I knew I would never get out of the store. I have been determined to show her why these Calvin Klein jeans were better than the no name brand and thus I have held onto them for almost 12 years - yes I hold grudges for 12 years.

When I was working on the house cleaning I put the jeans on and was excited they still fit nicely. I said to myself, I am going to wear these to the movies tonight, I can still rock these out.

I drove the girls to the dog park they love down the road before we went to the movie. I was a little late getting there, the sun was just about to set when I pulled up. I jumped out of the car and noticed that there were many people and dogs enjoying the 75 degree weather we were having over the weekend. I opened the back door of the Jeep and grabbed the girls to let them out. While bending over to drop them to the ground, I split my 12 year old Calvin Klein jeans from the top of the ass to the crotch so one ass pocket was flapped over and my grey boxer briefs with red skulls and cross bones were showing. When I grabbed my ass to see how bad the rip was, the leash came out of my hand and the girls ran off to the park without me.

I ran to get them and saw every person at the park staring right at me as I tried to get them to stop, yelling their names from a far. I finally got a hold of their leash and brought them back to the car...I closed the door I had left open. I could have gone home because my ass was literally hanging out of my jeans but the girls were so excited to be there...I couldn't do it to them.

Doris played ball with me the whole time and DeRosa was running around barking at all of the other dogs, as usual. DeRosa had a five minute time out due to over barking and nipping at other dogs - so I had to pick her up in front of 7-8 dog parents with my butt in the air - how embarrassing. We stayed for 20-30 minutes and my ass was a little cold by the time we headed back to the car.

They were a great pair of jeans, but all good things come to an end eventually. If I could tell that trashy clerk one thing I would say, these jeans lasted a good 12 years of my life...AND they were a lot better than the cheaper brand!