RECOVERING FROM CATHOLICISM

The recent reports out of the Vatican resurface the bitterness and irksome feelings I have toward the Catholic Church.

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From Huffingtonpost.com:

Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone this week linked homosexuality and pedophilia, and implicitly blamed gay priests for sexual abuse. This came in the midst of the gravest crisis to face the Church in the last 100 years: the rising tide of revelations of the crimes of sexual abuse of children, primarily boys and adolescent males.

In a news conference in Chile, Cardinal Bertone, the Vatican's Secretary of State, said, "Many psychologists and psychiatrists have demonstrated that there is no relation between celibacy and pedophilia." They do believe, however, "that there is a relation between homosexuality and pedophilia," he said. "That is true. ... That is the problem."

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Being gay does not make one a pedophile - this should be clear to any rational and educated person. Betrone's comments are made to shed light on the numerous accounts of sexual abuse the church has been ignoring for too many years. Placing blame on the gay community is an easy scapegoat, especially since the Vatican has never really supported the gay community.

The Vatican/Catholic church officials don’t hate gay people, they hire them as priests. They don't believe in allowing gays to marry, in fact they financially support political groups who believe marriage should only be between heterosexuals.

Now the Vatican's Secretary of State is blaming the numerous accounts of sexual abuse they have been sweeping under the rug for decades on the homosexuals they've employed as leaders of the church.

Contradictions, lies, fallacies, damaged children and partridge in a pear tree...Why are people Catholic again? Why does my dad give a portion of his well-earned pay check to fund a house of worship that treats his gay children like second class citizens, allows priests to potentially molest his grandchildren and steal money right out of his wallet? (The last part is in reference to a priest at my dad's church who stole a great deal of parishioner money to support his gambling addiction - after apologizing for his actions he was moved to another parish.)

I attended Catholic grade school, was an altar boy, a leader within my youth group, volunteered as a Eucharistic minister and my parents paid for me to go on a bus trip from Illinois to Colorado to see the Pope. I was raised VERY CATHOLIC.

I had nothing but great experiences with my church while growing up – I still have many great memories of community, friendships, education and family.

Today, when all of the cards are stacked against me as a gay man and watching all of the political and hurtful shenanigans rolling out within the leaders in the Vatican, this once happy place quickly became a big ugly sham. I was a good Catholic boy and now I’m a good gay recovering Catholic man.

With the blinding light being shed on these sexual abuse scandals, what's the call to action for the Catholic Church? What is the Vatican going to do differently to solve these glaring problems?

When the shit hits the fan you look at the men on top – the leaders - to find a common sense solution or at least a game plan to resolve everything. Unfortunately all I currently see is a bunch of the same lies, erroneous blame, cover-ups and looking the other way.

WHAT I LOVE THIS WEEK!

Obama was heckled from the crowd today, at a fundraiser in California, because he still hasn't repealed the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy.

I don't agree with heckeling Obama. But, it is shedding a bright light on how he hasn't followed through with what he promised to do back in 2008 - so maybe this one isn't too bad.

It's 2010 and close to nothing has been done in regards to providing equal rights for the LGBT community. Why no love Obama...we helped you get elected, do something!

WAIT FOR IT...NEIL PATRICK HARRIS...WAIT FOR IT...

Philadelphia was hit with the largest snow storm in 10 years the weekend we moved into our new home - as a result we have to wait for the snow melt off our roof so Comcast can wire the place up for cable and Internet.

The other night my mother suggested I plug the TV in and see if we get any reception without the cable company - John worked some magic on our complicated TV and we now get NBC and CBS.

Winter Olympics on NBC - You would think this would be the ideal channel to have this week, but as much as we have tried to watch them - we both find it incredibly boring.

Dark Side of CBS - I tried to watch the CBS show with LL Cool J and Chris O'Donnell last night. It was really-really bad – the acting, plot line, dialogue – all awful! I know why O'Donnell never made it as a serious actor - he's nice to look at, but that’s his only game.

Bright Side - On Monday night we watched How I Met You Mother (HIMYM) – a great TV show. I've written about it in the past as I was drawn in over the summer after seeing Neil Patrick Harris (NPH) in a Philly restaurant.

The acting is genius, plot lines align to what my generation is dealing with and the best part - it’s actually funny!

Dear HIMYM Producers - If I could make one tweak to your hilarious sitcom – end your show with Neil Patrick Harris (NPH) being a gay sex fiend instead of the slutty straight character he currently portrays.

NPH Street Credentials – He’s become a gay leader of sorts in the world of Hollywood celebrity. Since coming out of the closet in 2006, in addition to his role on HIMYM, Harris has found success as a host of a major network award show, singin' on Broadway and has shown his comedic chops in various small budget films.

Why This Will Work - If you haven't seen the show, it's told through the eyes of the main character, Ted - he tells his kids about his life when he was single and "how he met their mother."

Viewers are left to guess who he ends up with and the story lines leave bread crumbs of information to help viewers figure out the ending.

NOTE – When speaking to your children, portraying your best friend as a slutty gay man is difficult, but making him straight and “macho” is probably deemed acceptable in today’s society.

This sentiment is obviously difficult for me to swallow. I hope for true equality for every slutty person out there, gay or straight. But I believe this to be the reality of today…no matter how much it sucks – literally and figuratively.

On My Soap Box – Folks, we are living in 2010 and more gay characters deserve a prominent place within the boob tube and silver screen.

Will & Grace in the 90’s was pretty awesome. Broke Back Mountain was a milestone movie. Today we need to bring out a multitude of diverse characters displaying campy humor, perverse dialogue and show a character like the one NPH portrays on HIMYM – one that is extremely slutty, lost count of the number of trysts he’s had BUT make him confidently homosexual.

Making Neil Patrick Harris a gay character isn’t going to solve anything for the LGBT community, but it might add another dimension in the not so diverse network TV landscape.

Would this be a shocking conclusion to an amazing show – YES - And that’s what this viewer craves!

By The Way – The show isn’t ending any time soon, just offering up my idea in advance – getting it out there in the open…awwww I feel better!

STAY IN THE CLOSET IF YOU WANT A BIG CAREER

Colin Firth received a best actor Oscar nod for his role as a grieving gay professor in Tom Ford's 'A Single Man,' but he acknowledges that his performance did nothing to help gay actors land the plum roles, gay or straight, in Hollywood. Photo credit: W Magazine online.


Reported on huffingtonpost.com:

Firth told reporters at the movie's UK premiere that a gay actor coming out in Hollywood faces professional risks that may not be worth taking.

"There might be risks for a gay actor coming out," he said. "The politics of that are quite complex, it seems to me.

"If you're known as a straight guy, playing a gay role, you get rewarded for that. If you're a gay man and you want to play a straight role, you don't get cast -- and if a gay man wants to play a gay role now, you don't get cast.

"I think it needs to be addressed and I feel complicit in the problem. I don't mean to be. I think we should all be allowed to play whoever -- but I think there are still some invisible boundaries which are still uncrossable."

In December Rupert Everett, who is openly gay, said much of the same, advising gay actors to stay in the closet if they wanted a big career.

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"The politics of [coming out of the closet for a job] are quite complex, it seems to me." Colin Firth

"COMPLEX," THAT'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT!

"Equal opportunity" employers across the nation. Um...yeah right! Being openly gay in a job interview in many parts of the country puts you at an automatic disadvantage - in many career fields, not just the glamorous world of acting.

In 2008-09 I lived in San Francisco for eight months and relocated to Philadelphia without a job as I moved for my partner's career opportunity.

The inevitable first question potential employers in Philadelphia ask: Why the sudden move? Some add an obvious inflection in their voice, like I would you leave SF for Philly - but that's another story entirely.

I simply state I quit my job in SF and settled here because my partner makes the most money in our household and he was relocated here.

WAIT, AM I HANDLING THIS CORRECTLY?

Reflecting on the "almost wins" in my job search, I can't help but think the answer to this question has played against me in a few of my interviews.

Recruiters suggest I approach the interview like I'm going on a date - never reveal too much, project complete confidence, display a cool demeanor and never look desperate. Which begs the question, am I revealing too much?

My answer combined with my volunteer efforts listed on my resume for Equality Forum Philadelphia and AIDS Chicago Marathon raises a flag (a big rainbow flag) for someone who doesn't want to work with a gay man.

No matter how much I firmly believe in, "if they don't like me because I'm gay - I don't want to work for them anyway," I also feel I'm missing out on potential career opportunities because of my new "out and proud" stance.

STANDING UP WITH CONFIDENCE

Living in San Francisco, albeit briefly, I found a great sense of pride in being who I am - a professional American who happens to be gay. I felt fortunate to work for an organization that was led by strong gay leaders.

This is when I decided that sitting "in the closet" in the work place isn't where I wanted to be and I was instilled with a sense of pride for who I am and where I'm going with my career.

My part-time job and volunteer opportunities have kept me sane and help me build confidence since moving to the more "conservative east coast." I've been keeping the faith, forging ahead, standing up with confidence, knowing that an amazing full-time opportunity is right around the corner.

NOT A PITY PARTY

My sexuality has added to the numerous mix of worries, discontent and often hopelessness in my job search - I'm not complaining about my self-induced minority status in my job search, ahhh, well maybe I am.

But, ultimately, I'm looking for an equal playing field - most would believe that to be a fair request - unfortunately it may not be a realistic one!

GAY BINGO NIGHT

John and I went to "Gay Bingo" with some friends on Saturday night. I went home with the saddest news ever - I almost won $1,000 in a black out game (every number on the card)...if they would have only called G53!

This was a fundraiser for the local AIDS foundation and it felt good to be out and about within our community for a social event.

After the bingo game we headed to a restaurant where a lot of the people who volunteered and attended the event came to have a drink and a bite to eat. An extravagant little man took a liking to John and told us the same story a few times, about how most of the crowd at the bingo game was young enough to be his kid. Apparently he was having a hard time with how old he was getting.

I turn 32 next week - I'm getting old people, its part of life and so far I'm digging my 30s. I just wish I was 32 and $1,000 richer :)

CINDY MCCAIN STANDS UP TO H8!

Huffingtonpost.com reported today:
"On Wednesday, the NOH8 campaign protesting California's Proposition 8 announced a new high-profile Republican supporter: John McCain's wife, Cindy McCain. NOH8 is a photo project in which subjects are photographed wearing white, against a white background, with their mouths taped shut and "NOH8" painted on their faces.

This story doesn't really shock me as I knew her daughter Meghan was in favor of gay marriage. What shocks me is the plastic looking photo - she looks like an alien! Photoshop gone wrong or too much plastic surgery - either way Cindy looks very unhuman!

SAME SEX MARRIAGE

As I reported in my earlier blog, Proposition 8 here in California is up for a vote this Nov. 4th. This proposition is asking residents of California if the law allowing same sex couples should be taken away from the LGBT community. Television advertisements are running all over the place for both sides of the issue. I have noticed one that has resonated with me more than others and unfortunately it is for people to to vote yes/do away with same sex marriages.

The ad twists around a Gavin Newsom (Mayor of San Francisco) speech at a rally where he is motivating the crowd and celebrating the victory of allowing same sex marriage. It then goes on to say that judges in the City (not the residents) decided on allowing this to happen. Churches are not receiving their non-profit status because they don't allow same sex marriages, blah blah blah. It's all another conservative negative twist on what is really happening.

The polls are now showing people are going to vote against allowing these marriages to continue. A few months ago I would have not even cared about it. Now that I have three weddings/celebrations under my belt, I am really angered by the conservative religious right.

Yes, I have attended three gay weddings in a matter of the last 3 months - gay wedding, civil union or whatever is politically correct to call them these days.

Last weekend I went to what amounted to a traditional southern wedding in Atlanta - the only difference was there was two crying grooms at the alter; I went to a ceremony in town at the LGBT Center that was a very relaxed exchange of vows followed by some snacks and juice; about a month ago we went to a pool party reception in wine country that celebrated the love of two men. These were all friends of John, so I felt like an outsider looking in.

This was a great opportunity for me to see what a beautiful thing it is for two people of the same sex to express their love for each other. People who love each other should be able to show it like everyone else, have the same legal rights as everyone else and most importantly - shouldn't be discriminated against.

Why are we deciding to take this portion of the Bible to heart but are relaxed on others? Why does the Catholic church hate on the gay community when 90% of their priests are homosexual?

It is 2008 people, lets progress!

SAN FRANCISCO: A DIVERSE CITY FILLED WITH CULTURE

I took a "Cruisn' the Castro" tour yesterday for work. I learned a lot about San Francisco's LGBT community, the history of homosexuals, how Harvey Milk started the Castro neighborhood and where the gay flag got its start. I never really gave much thought about why gays are who they are the and this history lesson ultimately made me proud of who I am.

From the gold rush to why streets are named for famed prostitutes to the AIDS epidemic spreading through the gay neighborhood like the plague to why transexuals are still popular in the city today to how S.F. became the gayest city in the country (arguably the world), I learned a lot!

Volunteering as a docent for the Chicago Architecture Foundation was a really great experience, it taught me just about everything I needed to know about a city I really love. This tour confirmed the reasons on why I enjoy living in another culturally diverse city and I am looking forward to learning even more through future tours!